I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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