The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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