This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Cover your peen. We're going out.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
