I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
