i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
