I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
