My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
