So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
