Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
