I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
