I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
