So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
