You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This house was built for laser tag.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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