If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize