If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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