If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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