Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize