I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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