it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You made out with two different species that night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
