i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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