I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
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