I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The uberlube is also flammable
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize