I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
