He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
