He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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