Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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