he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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