You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize