Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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