I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
