Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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