I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's always time for handjobs
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
