Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Two words: blizzard sex
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
