I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
