Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
