He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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