your room smells of hookers.
And success
Jerry, you need to find god
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
