remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
