She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
