there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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