I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
