my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
