Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
