Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
