Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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