Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
