if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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