They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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