You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
