You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
