fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
