well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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