i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
