people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
