I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
