Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
