I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
