Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
