Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
