I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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