You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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