How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
