i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize