She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize