I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
