Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Still dying that you shit outside
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
