ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
