That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
