And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She even gives head with a lisp.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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