I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
