Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
