It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
