During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
