Your tits are I can't wait for
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
