dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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