i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
