so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
