Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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