Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
