It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
