His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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