the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my being single is dangerous.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
