You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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