I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
