I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
