People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
