I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
