We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
