apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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