So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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