I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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