well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
