I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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