i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
