I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
