I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
