just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize