I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
