My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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