Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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