"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
