Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize