you guys were way drunker than both of me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Come on in and take your pants off
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