It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
