break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
