thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
