doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have fence marks all over my body
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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