The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
