end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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