So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I faked an abortion last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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